Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Some Days Things Work Out

Like when after trying on 6 pairs of jeans
to go with the cream blouse in the sale
I find some khaki shorts that are perfect

Or the server at Starbucks who
gives me a glass of water I never ordered
right before I spill my espresso

I wonder how to say to you that
you are beautiful to me, or if I should, and then
you send me an e-mail. And I don't have to.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Untitled

And what if there is no one there at all
To watch the drama of my life unfold?
I dance alone upon this puppet stage
Creating dreams of laughter, love and light
Images in the mind's eye, beckoning
nobody.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Crazy world!

This is a truly crazy world that we live in! It makes me feel warm inside to think that I have a life in the dreams and fantasies of so many other people, some of them near and some of them far away. Most of them probably don't even know me, or not very well. Some I have met only once or twice, and yet they keep thinking of me, just as I sometimes think about them. I think that this really is a connection, of sorts. We can't help being constructed this way, even at the edge of our capacity, when the mind breaks down from dementia or was never intact in the first place, we have this idea of the other. I have had clients who were developmentally delayed to the degree of being unable to tease out one day from the next, to remember their own age, or consistently hold onto the distinction between reality and fantasy. But even in this liminal state, we all dream of being with another, and wish to share these dreams. Maybe it's all there is left.

At some level I wish there were someone I could be with physically as well as emotionally. But then, that is harder, negotiating an actual relationship in the between of two real people instead of this fuzzy overlap amongst all our dreams.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Timing

How come sometimes a pair of eyes
A mouth, a kiss, a moment
Of connection become a you,
A you-niverse in my mind
Replacing all others?

And when is it ever safe
To fall in love in a world
So full of other people?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Dating etiquette

Is it worth waiting for the other person to write first? I know that theoretically this is supposed to be my role. But can I possibly be said to be myself if I do that? Surely I only want to be with someone who can take me the way I am. Maybe I need to change, or at least choose which is more important: personal integrity or finding a partner. [sigh]