Showing posts with label poems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poems. Show all posts

Monday, November 29, 2010

Lost Sensations

More than words
I miss the warmth of your touch
Coming from inside me
The sea motion when I closed my eyes
Lying beside you
The forest taste of your kiss
You have vanished into the trees
Sailed away
I cannot even imagine
You

Monday, September 20, 2010

Tonight I Will Count Dolphins

Tonight I will count dolphins
Hemming the edge of the ocean two by two
With a running stitch
Playful, friendly, unreachable
We dive clumsily into the brisk waves
Our stories unfolded on the beach
Making a grey speck in the fog filled distance
Later we shiver in the car together
You have to be warm enough to shiver
In the dark we find each other
Two strange mammals on the edge of the land
So much heat

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Time Under Cat

Thank God for those precious moments
When the cat graces my lap with his presence
A puddle of furry warmth
Purring and making Big Paws
Half caresses, half digging in claws
Hooking my hand with his chin
Demanding my full, bi-manual attention
I daren't even look at the screen
Only my mind is free to write this poem
While my legs go numb
Until some lapse in my Purr-fect
Pleasuring of Him
Makes him leap away or bite me.
Thank God when they end, too.

Bilingual Rose

Rose, how can I describe you when
English only has one word for pink
And you have two colors
Of blooms growing haphazardly
A foot above my head
Pale pastel pink and deep cerise
It doesn't make any sense
If one were grafted I would understand
As though ideas are bursting in your mind
Untranslatable
This morning you made me see
My neighborhood with new eyes
And I noticed for the first time
A patch of open sky between
The gated stairway and the roof.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Steep Ravine

Seagulls ride the ocean wind
That slaps the rain against our window
Their sillhouettes half an infinity
Enduring in my mind
As you say you are flying
And I long to sink forever
Under your warm body
Looking up at the cloud ridden sky
A perfect exchange of ecstasy for heat
Our ship tethered to the rock like this cabin
Knowing someday the wind will lift me up
Afloat on the waves of your tender care

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Poem For Dance

I dance from my heart
Sensing my body's freedom to move
Sensing the beat pulsing through my core
More ancient than this electronic music
More ancient than a drum beat
As old as footsteps echoing down the valley
As old as a wing beat
As old as the ocean
waves lapping the rocky shore

I see the figures of people dancing
It takes a leap of faith
To look in their beautiful faces
To touch, to invite myself in
However briefly, to their dance
To create something together
That we couldn't have made alone

And my heart goes out to the others,
not present
Whose core pulses or pulsed
with the ancient beat
Of the waves lapping the sea shore
the imaginary wing beat
Who are fearful, alone, or in pain
And who do not know
I am dancing with them.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

You Are a Pool

You are a pool
I step into the water
not knowing
if it will be deep or shallow
warm or cold
if I will drown or float.

I step into the pool again
regardless
hoping to warm all this water
with my heart's faint glow

wondering if I will remember
how to swim
or if I ever learned.

And peace falls down on us
like snow.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

A Poem for Joy

I wanted to write a poem for joy
That would conteract all the sadness in the world
A poem that dances from the page
Filled with wild mountains to climb
Blue sky, birdsong
Sunlight playing in the water
Between the tall trees
A poem filled with possibilities
Friendly upturned faces
Hands welcoming you to join the dance

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Some Days Things Work Out

Like when after trying on 6 pairs of jeans
to go with the cream blouse in the sale
I find some khaki shorts that are perfect

Or the server at Starbucks who
gives me a glass of water I never ordered
right before I spill my espresso

I wonder how to say to you that
you are beautiful to me, or if I should, and then
you send me an e-mail. And I don't have to.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Untitled

And what if there is no one there at all
To watch the drama of my life unfold?
I dance alone upon this puppet stage
Creating dreams of laughter, love and light
Images in the mind's eye, beckoning
nobody.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Timing

How come sometimes a pair of eyes
A mouth, a kiss, a moment
Of connection become a you,
A you-niverse in my mind
Replacing all others?

And when is it ever safe
To fall in love in a world
So full of other people?

Monday, April 20, 2009

A sad love story in three poems

Links in a Chain
May 2008
This you will not understand
How your face pressed itself
Into a loop, in my mind
Coming between me and my new lover
Not because of what you said
But what you did not say
Because of what you did not hear
Not what you heard
Because your eyes were always closed
You dance to the beat of your own drummer
Like a rat in a maze, always running
Around the same loop
In your own mind
'This you will not understand'
And I don't understand it either

The Gift of Doubt
June 2008
Sometimes the pale sun shimmers behind the morning fog
and I doubt it will ever burn through.
Maybe the order of days has been revoked?

I revisit the question: who am I?
As important as a fly
in the everlasting evolution of the universe.

And who are you? You turn my no into a yes
you turn my yes into a no and squash me
leaving the crazy footprints of my dance upon the sand

leaving me to doubt and know
I will build another castle in the sand
The sun will shine another day, and we'll both burn

in the endless cycle
dust unto dust unto dust

The Missing Peace
April 2009
The space inside my head is quiet
Now I have the missing piece
You gave me, that
you didn't have to give

You thought that the pieces
were interchangeable,
that women were.
No wonder your puzzle
didn't fit together!

You thought what flies with one
flies with another, flies
because it flies

Your world is very broken. You witheld
your whole self, and gave me
just one piece
and shattered mine

Look in the mirror
Look at yourself
You are neither
all good nor all bad.

When you are whole
you can give yourself
over and over

If you give piecemeal
part to me, part to her, part to her
you fall apart, dissembling
what you think you save.

Pick up the pieces!

I thank you for the missing peace,
the quiet space inside my head

Wide open, so much that it hurts
Is this how the sky feels
when the clouds are swept away?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Spring in El Cerrito

Only the children seem to notice the water
bubbling from the brook, through the mulch
put there to stamp out the weeds.

They run across the bikepath
oblivious, their hands full of daffodils.

You walk your dog, head bent
on listening to your I-pod.
How could you hear
the birds in the bushes?

"I could eat those dandelions
but I won't," you say
gesturing on Bluetooth to the flowers
we used to call soursuckles
for which Californians have no name.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Mindful of loneliness

This evening I feel lonely. Why is it that my feelings vacillate so much? This morning I was feeling happy, hoping to reconnect with a friend tonight, and I know that is going to happen one of these days but not this evening and I feel lonely.

Maybe this is why I always make up a 'you' in my head to talk to, because the world of other people is inconstant and flickering. I am reminded of a poem by Sylvia Plath called Mirror, which I had to recite once for a drama exam. It had the lines: "Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall./It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long /I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers./ Faces and darkness separate us over and over." I wish that other people wouldn't flicker so much in my consciousness.

My loneliness could also be related to the fact I am writing about the pain of torture and war. By the way, if you're interested, I am posting chapters from my Clinical Research Project (literature review) here: http://painpersonalitypsychotherapy.blogspot.com/

My lonely feelings are perfectly reflected in Matt Haimovitz's rendition of the cello suites, which take up 3 cds in his version, whereas this morning I was listening to Yoyo Ma, on 2 cds. Perhaps this too plays a role in my changing mood, but there are only so many times I can listen to Yoyo Ma in succession. And the torture of moodishly elongated notes alternating with dancelike exhuberance sits well with writing about the irrational project of war.

I am also fond of this particular poem by Rilke about loneliness, which reminds us that finding a so-called life partner might not be the answer:
http://www.srcf.ucam.org/~pjk42/rilke_files/einsamkeit.html

Friday, March 6, 2009

Blueberries

The words I am looking for
explode on the tongue like blueberries
in the middle of a kiss,
showering us both with laughter.
Juicy, just right, not too sweet.

I wish I could envelop you
with the warm haze I feel
my heart touching your heart
like friendly embers kindling
in the afterglow.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

At Peet's Coffee

Clouds move. People move.
Cars fly by, going
who knows where,
but driving.

You pause for a moment
and I wonder if
I could have made
your day a better day
just by smiling.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Strains of the Swan

Waft through the Berkeley farmers' market
over the worried shoppers, under the rainclouds.
A high-strung Asian student in a short red dress
draws from her violin for a moment
the music we played at dinner last night
it lives in my head the rest of the day
I half-whistle half-breathe it on my way to yoga
and the next day, I hear it on the radio
waiting for my mentor, whose friend just died.
As I board the bus late at night in the rain
a boy too young to be so stoned
incomprehensibly navigates past the driver
who is pouring coffee into a styrofoam cup.
If I nod off, who will there be
to see my ship out at sea in this rain?
I split ten bucks on some onions
and give her five for the memory.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

BURNT NORTON

(No. 1 of 'Four Quartets')
T.S. Eliot
I
Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden.
My words echo
Thus, in your mind.
But to what purpose
Disturbing the dust on a bowl of rose-leaves
I do not know.
Other echoes
Inhabit the garden.
Shall we follow?
Quick, said the bird, find them, find them,
Round the corner.
Through the first gate,
Into our first world, shall we follow
The deception of the thrush? Into our first world.
There they were, dignified, invisible,
Moving without pressure, over the dead leaves,
In the autumn heat, through the vibrant air,
And the bird called, in response to
The unheard music hidden in the shrubbery,
And the unseen eyebeam crossed, for the roses
Had the look of flowers that are looked at.
There they were as our guests, accepted and accepting.
So we moved, and they, in a formal pattern,
Along the empty alley, into the box circle,
To look down into the drained pool.
Dry the pool, dry concrete, brown edged,
And the pool was filled with water out of sunlight,
And the lotos rose, quietly, quietly,
The surface glittered out of heart of light,
And they were behind us, reflected in the pool.
Then a cloud passed, and the pool was empty.
Go, said the bird, for the leaves were full of children,
Hidden excitedly, containing laughter.
Go, go, go, said the bird: human kind
Cannot bear very much reality.
Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

II
Garlic and sapphires in the mud
Clot the bedded axle-tree.
The trilling wire in the blood
Sings below inveterate scars
Appeasing long forgotten wars.
The dance along the artery
The circulation of the lymph
Are figured in the drift of stars
Ascend to summer in the tree
We move above the moving tree
In light upon the figured leaf
And hear upon the sodden floor
Below, the boarhound and the boar
Pursue their pattern as before
But reconciled among the stars.

At the still point of the turning world.
Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where.
And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time.
The inner freedom from the practical desire,
The release from action and suffering, release from the inner
And the outer compulsion, yet surrounded
By a grace of sense, a white light still and moving,
Erhebung without motion, concentration
Without elimination, both a new world
And the old made explicit, understood
In the completion of its partial ecstasy,
The resolution of its partial horror.
Yet the enchainment of past and future
Woven in the weakness of the changing body,
Protects mankind from heaven and damnation
Which flesh cannot endure.

Time past and time future
Allow but a little consciousness.
To be conscious is not to be in time
But only in time can the moment in the rose-garden,
The moment in the arbour where the rain beat,
The moment in the draughty church at smokefall
Be remembered; involved with past and future.
Only through time time is conquered.

III
Here is a place of disaffection
Time before and time after
In a dim light: neither daylight
Investing form with lucid stillness
Turning shadow into transient beauty
With slow rotation suggesting permanence
Nor darkness to purify the soul
Emptying the sensual with deprivation
Cleansing affection from the temporal.
Neither plenitude nor vacancy. Only a flicker
Over the strained time-ridden faces
Distracted from distraction by distraction
Filled with fancies and empty of meaning
Tumid apathy with no concentration
Men and bits of paper, whirled by the cold wind
That blows before and after time,
Wind in and out of unwholesome lungs
Time before and time after.
Eructation of unhealthy souls
Into the faded air, the torpid
Driven on the wind that sweeps the gloomy hills of London,
Hampstead and Clerkenwell, Campden and Putney,
Highgate, Primrose and Ludgate. Not here
Not here the darkness, in this twittering world.
Descend lower, descend only
Into the world of perpetual solitude,
World not world, but that which is not world,
Internal darkness, deprivation
And destitution of all property,
Desiccation of the world of sense,
Evacuation of the world of fancy,
Inoperancy of the world of spirit;
This is the one way, and the other
Is the same, not in movement
But abstention from movement; while the world moves
In appetency, on its metalled ways
Of time past and time future.

IV
Time and the bell have buried the day,
The black cloud carries the sun away.
Will the sunflower turn to us, will the clematis
Stray down, bend to us; tendril and spray
Clutch and cling?
Chill
Fingers of yew be curled
Down on us? After the kingfisher's wing
Has answered light to light, and is silent, the light is still
At the still point of the turning world.

V
Words move, music moves
Only in time; but that which is only living
Can only die. Words, after speech, reach
Into the silence. Only by the form, the pattern,
Can words or music reach
The stillness, as a Chinese jar still
Moves perpetually in its stillness.
Not the stillness of the violin, while the note lasts,
Not that only, but the co-existence,
Or say that the end precedes the beginning,
And the end and the beginning were always there
Before the beginning and after the end.
And all is always now. Words strain,
Crack and sometimes break, under the burden,
Under the tension, slip, slide, perish,
Decay with imprecision, will not stay in place,
Will not stay still. Shrieking voices
Scolding, mocking, or merely chattering,
Always assail them. The Word in the desert
Is most attacked by voices of temptation,
The crying shadow in the funeral dance,
The loud lament of the disconsolate chimera.
The detail of the pattern is movement,
As in the figure of the ten stairs.
Desire itself is movement
Not in itself desirable;
Love is itself unmoving,
Only the cause and end of movement,
Timeless, and undesiring
Except in the aspect of time
Caught in the form of limitation
Between un-being and being.
Sudden in a shaft of sunlight
Even while the dust moves
There rises the hidden laughter
Of children in the foliage
Quick now, here, now, always—
Ridiculous the waste sad time
Stretching before and after.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Knee, Happy New Year

This is my knee, before the surgery I had yesterday. The picture was taken at the ski resort, you will have to imagine the snow. The bones are fine, but I tore my ACL ligament. Now I have a new one threaded inside there, taken from a cadaver and sterilized with gamma radiation. There are 6 holes in the skin. I will spare you the technicolor pictures of the inside of my knee. I am supposed to be able to walk on it with a brace, but it hurts. Maybe tomorrow! Meanwhile, I am icing it using a special machine and writing the alphabet with my toes every hour so my muscles don't waste away.

I am not sure if I should drink champagne tonight on top of the pain meds.

Anyway, I liked this version of Auld Lang Syne (links to Scotland TV):

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o' lang syne ?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d the gowans fine;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary foot,
Sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
Sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere!
And gie's a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
For auld lang syne.

CHORUS

(According to Wikipedia, these are Robert Burns' original 1788 lyrics)
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Saturday, December 27, 2008

For some reason everything makes me feel like crying

Maybe its the knee injury
although it doesn't really hurt

Maybe its because my old friend stopped by
and I can call you my friend now
because the whirlwind of emotions I felt a year ago
is gone. We talked. We stroked my dog and cat,
who were sitting on the bed.
My heart pounded when I heard your voice.

I felt teary before, though,
thinking of my friend's kindness
helping me when I was injured,
taking care of me and bringing me stuff.

I cried in the night. Mourning,
perhaps, the loss of freedom.
Like you said, I was lucky
not to have learned to use crutches by our age.
Freedom from blaming myself.
Freedom to dance.